I have been trying to warm my hands unsuccessfully for about two hours now, my slightly estranged best friend just sent me a text which reads ‘brb Wagga’ (very funny dickhead) and to be frank I am a little over seeing couple shots at Vivid on Facebook (is it cute date season or something?? I am so genuinely jealous of you fuckwits and your public kissing excursions).

and, suddenly, for the first time in a long time, I feel like a cat on a sush.